Grounding in Clouds
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by Martha Campbell
"All is fleeting.God alone is unchanging." -Teresa of Avila
Every day as I show up for prayer my desire is to be really present to God. This has been very challenging in that I've hardly been physically present in one place for very long. During these past four years, I have moved my home five times. And yet, in the midst of these repeatedly uprooting experiences, I have known God to be present and active. The words of Teresa of Avila have become my mantra attesting to my experience of change, "All is fleeting. All things are passing."
As I re-located this past summer, I realized that God was teaching me now through this most recent transition. I came to see that my natural response to so much change was resistance and in my persistent effort to resist, I became weak and vulnerable, vulnerable to God.
Weariness set in--physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally. I was drawn away from any effort in prayer because all effort was tiresome and fatiguing. Slowly, I found myself praying in a new way. I became more relaxed, open, simple in my attitude toward God. I "let go" and fell into a new place.
Each morning, in my weariness I opened in prayer to God's presence. Gazing out an east window, I observed the clouds, the fingers of sunlight crossing the sky, the change from darkness to light, dawn to day. I slowly awakened to the fleetingness of these formations. Just being there, just open, I was drawn to just be present to these shifting cloud formations. I was effortlessly present, open, willing and awake. I was not rejecting nor was I clinging to anything. I was just with and I was simply letting go into the present moment. This learning occurred in some deep experiential place, a place beyond words, a place where I was coming to know the passingness of all things and at the same time I was growing in an awareness of a certain constancy and the grounding of myself in that constancy, forever present.
I began to observe this sense of gentle resting in the present moment as it spilled over into my day. I was more attentive to a peaceful appreciation of people, events, nature, even frustrations. I was more accepting, less driven, less resistant, more peaceful.
Reflecting now on this experience, I recall the Buddhist teaching that attachment causes suffering and that "impermanence" as an accepted reality alleviates suffering. Embracing impermanence, rather than resisting it, is to find a way to peaceful acceptance, to mindfulness, to living in the present moment. Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist teacher, writes, "Impermanence teaches us to respect and value every moment and all the precious things around us and inside us. When we practice mindfulness of impermanence, we become fresher and more loving.
If we practice the art of mindful living, when things change, we don't have any regrets. We can "let go" because we have enjoyed every moment. We have to nourish our insight into impermanence every day. If we do, we will live more deeply, suffer less, enjoy life more. (The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching, pp. 132-33)
I am learning that embracing change becomes an opportunity to be more grounded. As I sit and ponder this experience of clouds, of life and the grounding in God that impermanence evokes, several insights have occurred to me:
- This not-lasting nature of the present moment lasts forever.
- The constancy of the fleetingness of all present moments becomes a reality.
- I am woven into the fabric of this fleetingness.
- I experience the manifestation of God and me-in-God in this fleetingness.
- This realization is not a principle that I must adhere to. There is nothing to prove, nothing to defend.
- This experience of constancy and fleetingness (impermanence) is beyond what my ego concerns itself with.
- This experience is a visceral certainty, an inner-like clarity about what I know for myself to be true.
- I have experienced this constancy and fleetingness again and again and I have come to realize God's presence in it.
Martha is the Director of Shalem's Spiritual Guidance Program.
© 2008 The Shalem Institute.