Simple Contemplative Presence
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by Gerald May
Due to illness, Jerry was not able to be at Shalem's Winter Retreat this December. He wrote the following as a letter to retreat participants, and we wanted to share it with our readers.Dear Winter Retreat People,
I'm so sorry that it looks like I can't join you this year. I'd really been looking forward to it, but my heart problems refused to cooperate. You can be assured, though, that I will be sitting and being with you in "Simple Contemplative Presence" during these days. A hospital isn't too bad a place for such a practice!
These past few weeks, during which my medical condition has been extremely erratic, seem to have taught me a few things about life. I would like to share one that I think has special relevance to "simple contemplative presence."
We at Shalem approach the spiritual life from what we call a contemplative perspective. Sometimes we call it contemplative life or living. It doesn't have to do with any particular state of mind or experience (like "contemplation"). Instead, it's an attitude or orientation that recognizes that our spiritual growth and deepening is God's business, not our own achievement or accomplishment. Our "yes" to God, our willingness for God's grace, is very important, but we don't "do" it on our own. At best we willingly join God's dance with us--without knowing the steps!
So there's a reverence for God's mystery in this kind of presence, a willingness to let God be God as God is, and to let ourselves be ourselves as we are. In that sense, it is a very easy, relaxed practice. The only time it becomes difficult is when we think we should be doing something more--then it is simply time to trust back into God's presence in the moment again.
The thing I want to share about this is that I've found it doesn't matter what particular kind of experience I'm having. With the changes in my physical situation, I've noticed that sometimes my consciousness in prayer (or just in being) is very dull, groggy, and at the edge of sleep. I always judged this as not being too good a state for prayer and would try to wake up (usually without success). Now sometimes I also experience the opposite: bright, clear, present awareness that seems sharp and open to the moment. I judged this as good (don't ask me why). But what I've learned in these past few weeks is it doesn't matter a bit. Maybe I like one way of being more than another, and that's fine, but it doesn't make one better and one worse. God seems to tell me that what is is more than sufficient, and I really don't need to judge it at all.
Maybe you will experience something of the same kind of freedom in your simple presence. But whatever you experience I hope you'll remember that it is God's work and in fact it is God's experience.
In truth, I think this spiritual life is ALL about God; God's "doing" it with us and in us and as us, and eventually it's all one thing, all God. Which, to my mind, is very, very cool.
God bless you,
Jerry
© 2008 The Shalem Institute.