Surrender and Gratitude
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by Patience Robbins
Fourteen years ago, St. Therese of Lisieux, a Carmelite nun who lived in France from 1873-1897 came into my life. While reading her autobiography, The Story of a Soul, this line took root in my heart: "Jesus does not demand great actions from us but simply surrender and gratitude." That message continues to speak deeply to me-calling me back again and again, even as she continues to companion and mentor me.The reminder to surrender is an ongoing one as I attempt to figure out and control the many aspects and circumstances of my life. Which school for my 13-year-old daughter is a challenging question, and I would like to have the perfect answer. I go round and round with thoughts, ideas and the many pros and cons of the options. I hear the whisper: surrender-open this to God. Maybe there is no perfect or ideal solution. I pray that I can just let it unfold, trust that I am doing what I can, and be grateful for what has been and is given.
The news of a dear friend who is ill, what can I do about it? How can I understand or make sense of it? How do I live with the uncertainty and helplessness? I seem to hear an invitation to be faithful-without knowing or having answers to all the questions and without being able to change or fix anything. I pray that I can be available and present and let God be God in the midst of all of it-even be thankful for all the unknown as well as my inability to make things better.
I have a friend, Nancy, who is mentally challenged, was abandoned to an institution as an infant and has never known a family. She is now 55, lives alone and is totally dependent on others for her survival. When we first met, I often pondered the deep poverty she experiences-no family, no job, very few skills, no friends. She has learned to fend for herself, live with the TV and radio but always delighted with any contact with others. I sit with this question before God: How could life be so poor and who can I be for her? I receive no explicit answers but some nudging to let it be what it is and be grateful-grateful for the opportunity to learn from her as well as be her friend.
The continued barrage of news of another death in Iraq, another bombing in Palestine, rampant spread of AIDS in South Africa, an uprising in Haiti-what am I to do about the violence, bitterness, and suffering in the world? How can I respond? It feels overwhelming and I can easily be paralyzed. Can I invite God into all of this and all my feelings about it, and as I "relax and submit to God," as Thomas Kelly reminds us in A Testament of Devotion, let God be, love, pray through me in ways I couldn't know or understand? This requires deep trust that God cares even more than I do and really is lovingly present and acting although I may not ever see or know the results. It also allows for an openness to any way I might be invited to act or respond to these events, but with freedom.
As I welcome God into these situations and events, both personal and global, there is an opening to be grateful-grateful for the mystery that I cannot comprehend as well as the love, compassion, the goodness that is present and flowing through it all (perhaps in very hidden ways). Gratitude emerges and grows because God is in charge and I can freely entrust all to God. I am reminded of Anthony de Mello's line: "There is no sweeter prayer than a grateful heart." And so I thank God for all those many events and circumstances that make no sense to me-even seem very wrong and unjust. They do not follow my line of reasoning or how I might arrange or design things, but they challenge me to reaffirm my faith in a God who is more loving and merciful than I could ever know or imagine.
As I continue to live into this surrender and gratitude, my heart seems to be expanding to hold all kinds of mystery-no answers and definitely no control. I also notice that I am drawn to respond on ever deeper levels to this God who breaks all boundaries that I might create. The love that I experience invites me into more and more willingness to accept what is, trusting indeed that all shall be well.
Patience is the Director of Shalem's Personal Spiritual Deepening Program.
© 2008 The Shalem Institute.