Presence
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by Jeanne Befano
One of the most memorable Eucharistic celebrations that I have ever participated in was with a small group of people who had gathered for Shalem's Wondrous Bread and Wine Group. Through this particular sacred meal, I was reminded once again how God is ever willing to enter into our human experience--not as we humans expect God would but on God's own terms.During this celebration, the priest raised an oversized loaf of bread. At the same time, he reached to lift the chalice. The heavy, flat loaf wobbled on the plate as it was lifted. In his attempt to keep it from sliding off, the sacred wine that he held in his other hand splashed up the side of the glass chalice, also splashing onto the bread and the altar cloth.
I can still vividly recall the scene and the surprised look on the priest's face--and our faces. Silent seconds slowly passed as the shock wore off.
In the aftermath, what stood out for me was the contrast that this Eucharist invited me to look at. Most of us are used to sharing in a sacred meal that is tidier, neater, and certainly cleaner and more smoothly prepared. But our small group was asked to see where God might be in the messy and the awkward, the clumsy and the stained.
I was reminded of the bloody sacrifices offered by the Jews on ancient altars as goats, lambs and other animals were prayerfully relinquished to Yahweh. It became easier for me to imagine the rich, red blood spilled out onto both altar and floor, giving permanent stain to both.
In the messiness of the celebration, I was urged to remember the Last Supper and to imagine Jesus prayerfully offering the loaf and wine as he told a small group of the willingness and desire of a loving and humble God to enter into the messiness of their human, bloody suffering.
The spilled-out, consecrated wine somehow became a vehicle which carried me to the cross of Jesus in invitation, urging me to be open to experiencing in a new and deeper way the blood of the Lamb of God, poured out onto an earthen altar.
Through this particular Eucharist, it seemed that Holy Perfection and human imperfection were to meet and to rejoice in each other. My own prayer seemed to be met with a renewed sense of a Divine Lover who gave to a broken, imperfect world--in that single act of sacrifice--all that he had.
Nothing in our human experience grabs our attention and calls us to immediacy as dramatically as seeing blood. The spilled wine had the same affect. Yet it seemed as though it was not to be judged as good or bad, as was my first inclination. Focusing solely on the accidental splattering might have prevented me from seeing the Holy One, into whose broken body it had been transformed.
We meet God in the present moment. If ours is a God who is in all things, then we are asked to look for God not only in the places that we deem sacred but also in the messiness, brokenness and clumsiness of life.
Knowing this can quite logically lead us to look at the darkness in our lives. Our spiritual journey demands of us truthful and honest examination that leads us to name and claim our sinfulness. However, we must not remain stuck there, for we are called to focus beyond ourselves to the Forgiving One who calls us beloved and urges us to wholeness and holiness.
Jeanne, a graduate of Shalem's Spiritual Guidance Program, was a participant in last year's Wondrous Bread and Wine Group. This article is adapted from a similar piece that appeared in her parish newsletter.
© 2008 The Shalem Institute.