Praying Beyond Safety
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by Lois Lindbloom
Just a few years ago, I lived my daily life in our family with my husband and two teenage sons. Our older son left home to begin college-a planned change in our lives. Two weeks later, my husband died suddenly--a totally unexpected and shattering event. As I experienced the early weeks of raw grief, I was very aware of how fragile life is.Our younger son had just gotten his driver's license and began taking the car to go to football games and other evening activities. That left me alone with my imagination and fears of what could happen to him. I prayed for his safety. If he did not return exactly on time, I prayed desperately, "Lord, keep him safe," while I tried to beat back the frightening images of a car accident. Then he would return, and I would sigh in relief and thank God for his safety.
One evening, as I was preparing for a group of parents to gather at my house to pray for our children, I thought of Mary, the mother of Jesus. She parented a young man the ages of my sons. Perhaps she had some feelings of fear like mine. Perhaps she prayed for Jesus' safety. But what if her prayer for his safety had been answered? In that moment, this challenge came to me: Could I pray "beyond safety" for my sons, even in this time of grief and fear?
Through the next months, this question brought me to a new way of praying for the people who are closest to me. In prayer, I entered the presence of God, sometimes by sitting with Jesus in nature, sometimes by encountering the unconditional love of God in an imageless setting. I invited my sons, each in turn, to join us there. Then, instead of speaking my desire, I asked what God's desire for my son was.
As time went on, my older son went to France and Croatia for two years of volunteer service. Some of that time I had no way to reach him; once again I was fearful. Entering the presence of God and inviting my son to join us helped me trust God's prayer, a prayer that could go beyond my knowledge of my son's needs. (This way of praying was interspersed with various versions of fearful, clutching, parental prayers for his safety!)
When I attended a Shalem workshop on group spiritual direction, the staff described this way of praying as intercessory prayer, openness to God on behalf of another. In intercessory prayer we stay in the presence of God on behalf of another. We begin by listening for God's desire, rather than by speaking our requests.
Often something in me gets in the way of my hearing or embracing God's desire for the person for whom I pray. With my sons, my own fear was a barrier. Sometimes other feelings or beliefs are barriers. My own desires get in the way. My belief that it is more important for me to do something or say something than to remain in the presence of God in prayer gets in the way. Part of being open to God on behalf of another is a willingness to admit what the barrier is and then to surrender it to God.
Intercessory prayer also opens us to God's desire for ourselves, not just for the person for whom we are praying. As Douglas Steere writes in Dimensions of Prayer, "When I start boldly enough to pray 'O God, may thy kingdom come in Mary and thy will be done in Mary,' something seems to inquire whether I have not left out something. I begin again, adding this time 'be done in Mary and in me.'" In being open to God on behalf of another, I may be the one who is changed.
I also practice intercessory prayer in the spiritual direction groups I facilitate. In the presence of God and one another, we hold these questions, offering ourselves as part of God's redemptive process:
God, what is your prayer for this person? What do you want my prayer to be? -- Is there anything I need to surrender in order to join your prayer for this person? -- Is there anything you want me to do or say to this person on your behalf?
Then we wait in prayerful silence for a sense of whether or not we are given something to say to another. We may be nudged to say something or we may be called to continue in prayer without speaking.
For me personally and for the groups with whom I meet, intercessory prayer is a continual invitation to pray beyond the safety of our own agendas. It is an invitation to pray, "Thy will be done."
Lois is a graduate of Shalem's Spiritual Guidance Program, Summer 1997, and is a mentor in the new Facilitating Group Spiritual Direction Program.
© 2008 The Shalem Institute.