Volume 32, No. 1-Winter, 2008
Table of Contents
Deep Listening: Spiritual Direction and Beyond
by Joan Conway
Invitations for Discernment
by Bill Dietrich
Infusing Money with Values: Motivations for Contribution
by Shannon Howard
Thank You, Shalem
by Jean Link
In Memoriam - Shaun McCarty, St
A Partner with Grace
by Gigi Ross
Shalem Society October Gathering: More than Images
by Tony Sayer
Through a Mirror Dimly
by Maureen Watson
Deep Listening: Spiritual Direction and Beyond
by Joan Conway
Within the space opened up by recent retirement, I am being challenged to listen anew for God in my life. Shalem's group spiritual direction workshop last March afforded me an opportunity to refine my skills in the contemplative practice of deep listening. It also provided the chance for me to reflect on the challenge of living in the midst of the violence and the injustices of our times. Often as I listen to the news, I am unable to believe with Teilhard de Chardin that we are all moving through daily life in the 21st century together with Christ, the Omega Point. However, I was struck that the practice of deep listening may offer a way through the chaos and into the center of this Love.
Recently while studying the life of St. Francis of Assisi, I came across the suggestion by Leonardo Boff that some of the dysfunction of our day is due to the extent in which logos has dominated our Western culture in an unbalanced fashion. Applying this to the process of listening, the often used logos approach would be to listen, to make a list of responses and ideas, and then to suggest ways of fixing the given situation or to provide advice. Boff reminds us that one of Francis' gifts was his ability to live out of his pathos or empathy and sympathy and to "listen" to all of creation in balance with his logos (his simple rule) in such a way that he dramatically changed his 13th century world. I believe that this is what the process of deep listening offers to all of us at this time.
Listening from a place of pathos balanced with logos can transform the world in small ways. How do we begin? We create and protect a safe space with a simple structure based on the wisdom of logos. In spiritual direction these are the agreements of frequency of meeting, length of time, place, and confidentiality. We then continue with the pathos of compassion that listens to the other person, to ourselves and to God. Always wanting to do a good job, I remind myself that the Spirit of God is the actual director; therefore, it is up to me as I participate in the conversation to be the viaduct for the Spirit. While I may never be a completely open vessel, I seem to have a split second where I can see and make the choice to let go of my own mental baggage. When I say the simple "yes" to the letting go, a sense of spaciousness is often created. This choice allows me to be open to the presence of God as I listen on behalf of the person who is speaking. It also creates the possibility that in the process of listening I can be freed from ideas that might hook my mind or emotions.
In other words, I can be simply present and allow the Spirit to do the work. I can follow and trust in the slow process of God within the relationship. With this trust the words uttered are allowed to take a secondary role. It is at this interface that I have experienced the freedom produced by the trusting of what I profess-there is no right or wrong way, no rules, no fixes, just open attentiveness to myself and to the relationship between the directee and God. Usually I am not being asked to help but to give each person the affection of listening with compassion and kindness. This deep listening calls me into an experience of poverty before God. So much of this work is beyond my skills, my thoughts, my emotions. It is dependent upon the grace of the Creator.
Deep listening is truly the work of those of us called to be contemplatives, and it is a gift we bring to the world. This practice can break through into other venues. A few weeks ago in Santa Fe, the doors on the plane would not close and all of us had to deplane, reclaim our bags, change airlines, and delay our travel plans. Being able to bring this compassionate style of listening to the situation and especially to the conversation with the ticket agent changed my experience from one of frustration to one of greater freedom. As I practice listening, I am being shown the many different places to which I can bring this skill. Because I believe that I am touching into the Love of God for me and for the other person(s) in the dialogue, I also believe that I am bringing God's Love into the world. In a limited way, those of us in the conversation are part of the transformation of the world into the Love we all crave.
Joan is a 1988 graduate of Shalem's Spiritual Guidance Program and is currently studying Franciscan Spirituality at the Washington Theological Union.
Invitations for Discernment
by Bill Dietrich
Among Shalem's core values is "spiritual discernment in all things," our desire to be led by God, individually and corporately, in all that we do. In a recent newsletter I described our discernment around Shalem's continuing call to offer "short" (non-extension) programs, such as spiritual formation groups, retreats, quiet days, and workshops. That process, completed last fall, has given us a clear sense of the rightness of these programs and has reenergized our vision of what is possible. As a result we now expect to begin offering an expanded selection of short programs later this year.
In this article I'd like to share two other significant discernments that we will be undertaking in the coming year. The first relates to our office facilities, while the second relates to potential collaborations with other organizations.
Impermanence - After 13 years at the Renewable Natural Resources Center (RNRC) in Bethesda, we recently learned that our office space will need to relocate sometime over the next year or two. The RNRC property is being sold, and our building is to be demolished to make way for a new private school.
We will no doubt miss the convenient and bucolic setting here. In the fall, Carole Crumley shared her experiences of birds landing on her office windowsill, inviting us to wake up and be more present to nature as a partner in our work. On the grounds we've seen Canadian geese born and fledged, deer emerge boldly from the woods at dusk, birds of every variety, tenants' dogs frolicking on the lawns after a day at work. Countless prayer walks have circumambulated our building. Our 25th anniversary celebration took place under a tent on these grounds. Our office space has seen much prayer and spiritual community formed and re-formed.
Surely there is grace in this situation, just as there has been in all of Shalem's transitions. As Patricia Gibler, Shalem's former Director of Operations, shared about a previous move, "Dealing with our space needs has been a real pilgrimage as well as a blessing?it has been stimulating to change our work environment every few years; the movement has helped clear out the cluttered spaces." Clutter can accumulate so easily unnoticed, until something jars us awake and we recognize it's time to let go and clear the decks. Then we're invited to shake off the dust, let go of old attachments, and forge ahead in trust. This present circumstance seems just such an invitation. It will be sad to leave but exciting and energizing to see where this next phase of Shalem's journey leads.
In response, we have gathered a discernment group of board and staff to pray to know God's vision for Shalem's next home and consider our next steps. There are so many practical dimensions to discern about where God is leading Shalem at this time. Should we remain in the more spacious suburbs of Washington or have a greater presence and witness in the city? Should we continue leasing office space or consider buying a facility? If we buy, how will we finance the purchase and what are the ongoing budget implications for staff and maintenance? Should we include room for staff expansion? Is it important to include space for holding short programs in our offices? Should we consider joint housing with other organizations or is it important to remain autonomous? And if we let ourselves vision "home" really big, are we being invited to consider having our own residency facility for our extension programs and other overnight events, a place of pilgrimage to which graduates and other seekers on the contemplative path might come for study, renewal, and community? This last vision is not new and has resonated increasingly in recent years with many in the Shalem community. Might its time have come?
What, in short, does "home" mean? Whatever it means, we know we want our future space to be a physical manifestation of God's vision for Shalem, to support and contribute to our mission and what we offer to the spiritual landscape.
Collaborations - It is notable that 2008 marks the 35th anniversary of those first gatherings of Tilden Edwards and friends that proved to be the foundation of Shalem. It is also 30 years since Shalem became a separate institution apart from the ecumenical center in which it was birthed. Since then Shalem has felt it important to remain independent from other organizations as a way of guarding our unique charisms, particularly our call to be an ecumenical Christian organization open to seekers from all faith traditions.
There have, however, been some fruitful collaborative relationships over the years, such as our covenant relationship in the 1980s with Washington National Cathedral and our earlier collaboration with Washington Theological Union, the Roman Catholic seminary under which our Spiritual Guidance Program was created. Both of those relationships helped support Shalem's emerging ministry. As Shalem began to mature through the 1990s, however, there was less of a call for such associations. One might see in this time the Spirit molding Shalem's identity, not unlike a young person undergoing the "first half of life," gaining confidence and authenticity.
But we wonder now if Shalem is on the verge of its second half of life, a time when, secure in who we are, we're called to venture out into the broader spiritual landscape and explore collaborations with other organizations which seek to nurture the contemplative spiritual life. Over the years, many of our program participants have also been active in such other organizations and been deeply enriched through those associations, seeing not competitiveness but the complementarity of our ministries. Might this be the Spirit at work, bringing our organizations and resources together to further what Tilden Edwards has called "contemplative evangelization?" Might this be the time to begin to support each other more actively?
An Invitation - This winter our board and senior staff will go on our annual visioning retreat to pray about and see what can be discerned around these questions of Shalem's next home and collaborations. We invite your prayers to join with ours as we seek to know God's prayer, God's dream for Shalem in the time ahead.
Infusing Money with Values: Motivations for Contribution
by Shannon Howard
I have experienced many wonderful things since coming to work at Shalem. One of them has been the fact that the board and staff had already undertaken a very thorough and prayerful process of discerning the mission and core values of this organization. The short version of these core values I keep in front of me at my desk; having them has given me a window into the heart of Shalem, for which I am deeply grateful.
At our staff retreat last fall, we took the time to read aloud the longer version of these values (which is available at www.shalem.org/about/missionstatement.html). As we reflected on them as a group, it was as though I could literally feel the prayer, attention and love that had gone into crafting every word.
Since then I've spoken with a number of individuals who support Shalem about why they contribute financially to this work. I am inspired by what they've shared. These conversations underscore for me the possibility of using our money to make a connection between our values, our prayer life and our expression in the world. They remind me that when we give to something that really matters to us, we expand and grow, and so does that to which we give. Our values and our relationship with Spirit motivate us to contribute; we find and give to endeavors whose values resonate with our own, and by our contribution we ourselves are lifted up.
Here are a few comments from our donors. Perhaps some will speak to you as well:
Shalem supports me in living authentically, radically trusting in God. It is a necessary alternative to anything else I am giving to.
I give because contemplative Christianity is on my growing edge spiritually, and where else would I find that but here?
Shalem gave me an introduction to contemplative living, and I am giving to Shalem with the hope and the vision that the spiritual formation offerings will expand.
Shalem is grounded in the history of contemplative tradition. It is intellectually grounded as well as experiential-it appeals to both my soul and my mind.
I give from a place of gratitude, as a way of giving back for the scholarship that I was fortunate to receive. I am grateful for the opportunity of having Shalem in my life.
I started giving when I realized that the programs are not self-supporting, that they wouldn't be affordable if the full cost of what it takes to put them on was charged as tuition. I have experienced the value of contemplative prayer, and I would like others to have that experience also.
I give because I know that in addition to what Shalem is about, it is also a fiscally responsible organization; it is run well and efficiently. I like that the presentation is simple and straightforward, it is more about the substance than the form.
I give to Shalem because it is inclusive, non-denominational and non-sectarian, and I also feel that I am giving to an expression of the Church.
I am clear that everyone who contributes to Shalem is investing in having these core values live in our world. We are funding the creation of sacred spaces that provide an environment of support for contemplative living and leadership. We are infusing our money with our values, and we are doing it in a way that is attentive and responsive to Spirit.
Shalem's Mission is to nurture contemplative living and leadership.
Shalem's Core Values
- Awareness that God is intimately present within and among us
- Reverence for the mystery of God's presence
- Desire for spiritual discernment in all things
- Radical willingness to trust God
- Respect for the unique spiritual path of each individual
- Recognition that contemplative living and leadership require spiritual support
- Commitment to action in the world arising from a contemplative orientation toward life
Thank You, Shalem
by Jean Link
As I sit down to write about my experience of leaving the Spiritual Guidance Program staff this year, all that comes to me is to simply say, "Thank You."
Reflecting back on my 25-year experience with Shalem, I remember when I was first introduced to Shalem. Barbara Osborne, a long-time Shalem staff person, brought me to an open house in the fall of 1983. Barbara's invitation came after some initial musings and questions from me. The summer before, I'd gone on my first weekend silent retreat and experienced the invitation of Quiet. I began awakening to a connection with the silent place of God within. I was truly amazed that there was such a deep, still, place within me that I'd not known, and that felt like "home."
In 1985 I applied to the Spiritual Guidance Program. I remember going to my first retreat weekend with the 1985-87 local class. As is usual at Shalem, we sat in a circle and went around the group sharing our God desires about being in the program. As I looked around the circle at a class filled primarily with clergy, religious, and church leaders, I felt like a first grader in a room full of graduate students. What was I doing here? I was a person who primarily had an unchurched childhood and who just started attending church in my late thirties. I'd only been trying to live a conscious spiritual life for a few years. Just being in Shalem's program was sheer wonder. And so, trustingly and not so trustingly, I embarked on the two-year program and I was never the same again-I let myself be changed.
My favorite times with Shalem were the Simple Contemplative Presence Retreats that Jerry May and Rose Mary Dougherty led in the winter and fall. At these retreats there was no liturgy, no traditional group worship experience, no music, and no spoken prayer. Instead, we simply gathered three times a day and sat silently together with the Presence that is always with us. These retreats were special, grace-filled times, and I miss them still.
When Rose Mary called me in 1998 and asked me to pray about whether there was a call for me to be on staff with the Spiritual Guidance Program, I was amazed and shocked. To be on staff with my spiritual mentors: Jerry, Tilden and Rose Mary? I wasn't sure I was ready for that. But after a time of prayer and discernment, I surprisingly discovered that I did feel called to be on staff.
Even after joining the Spiritual Guidance staff, my inner self-doubts never totally went away. I'm not a person who even likes to be in large groups, much less being "up front" in large groups. At the beginning circle of each new residency, where we shared our God nudges in the moment, that "What am I doing here?" thought often reappeared inside me. Eventually I was even able to smile a little at that recurring question as I continued learning that being called doesn't necessarily mean it is easy or comfortable. Letting God guide meant just that, to let God lead me even into places where I wasn't totally at ease. For in the midst of my own personal angst I could clearly see the touch of God healing me, stretching me, nudging me, and inviting me to deeper yielding and trust.
It sometimes baffles me how God is so present at Shalem. Surely we are not perfect-Shalem is a flawed organization with flawed people. And yet God faithfully shows up among us, transforming our lives. Something sacred happens when we gather together. I can't name it. I saw it happen over and over in my own life, and being on staff gave me the privilege of seeing that happen repeatedly in the lives of the people who came through the Spiritual Guidance Program. It is grace.
A year or so ago, I started to feel some nudges that it might be time for me to leave the Shalem staff. I'm turning 64, I'm still in private practice as a pastoral counselor and spiritual director three days a week, and I have five grandchildren ages six and under who live in the area. And I need more quiet spaces in my life. I practiced what I learned at Shalem and spent several months of prayer, listening, and discernment. As usual, it wasn't a fast or easy decision-but eventually the "rightness" became clear. When I shared my discernment with Martha Campbell, Bill Dietrich, and the rest of the Spiritual Guidance staff, I felt total support and affirmation. More grace.
So again, in more ways than I can ever say, thank you Shalem. It's been a gift to have traveled this part of the Path with all of you.
In Memoriam - Shaun McCarty, St
Shaun McCarty, who was part of the original staff for Shalem's Spiritual Guidance Program (SGP) and who served in that capacity for 15 years, died October 21, 2007, after a long illness.
Shaun was a member of the Missionary Servants of the Most Holy Trinity and once served as president of the Diocese of Richmond's Catholic Forensic League. He was a native of Texas but was raised in Elmhurst, Long Island. He attended seminaries of the Missionary Servants and was ordained to the priesthood in May 1956, after which he was assigned to the order's seminary in Monroe, VA, where he taught English and was Director of Studies. In 1971 he began a 21-year association with the Washington Theological Union in Silver Spring, MD, and from 1978 to 1993 was a Shalem associate staff member.
Rose Mary Dougherty, Shalem Senior Fellow for Spiritual Guidance, saw him several times during his final days and talked about the peace that radiated from him. Among Shaun's mementos displayed at his wake was a ceramic cross given to him by the SGP Class of '93. Those who were in Shaun's classes pay tribute to his prayerful, inspired teaching and his delightful sense of humor. His leadership and wisdom continue to be lived out at Shalem as we carry forward the spiritual guidance ministry to which Shaun was so dedicated.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~Shaun's humor and humanity moved me the first time we met. I remember those first-residency nerves that so many are subject to in the program. Shaun was my contact person and he was sitting beside me in the opening circle when we were invited to tell what our hopes and fears might be for the residency. Fresh from writing my Masters thesis on a rather arcane theological point, I said that I was afraid I might be "too cognitive" for the group. Shaun, speaking next and without missing a beat said that he was afraid he might be "too affective." I loved it: the humor and also the humanity that so graciously put me at ease. Shaun's sneakiness also stays with me. When I had finished my Masters and was graduating from seminary, so innocently Shaun asked what I was going to do next. Just as innocently, I said that I didn't really know (but I certainly was not going to be ordained). The next day I was asked to consider joining the SGP staff. Funny, humble, and sly: that's what I remember and what I so enjoyed about Shaun. (Eleanor Abarno, SGP, W92 and SGP staff)
Over the years that I knew and worked with Shaun, I was touched by his many gifts. Let me just single out four of them. The seminars he led were full of insights and careful preparation. He had a wonderful capacity to accommodate a broad range of views, while at the same time holding to the integrity of his own theological convictions. He also had a wonderful sense of humor. No seminar or other gathering was ever without signs of it-in the stories he told, the cartoons he photocopied, and at the program parties. He was very much at home as a Catholic priest and carried out that vocation with a real sense of call and commitment. He also had a heart-felt and steady personal prayer life. I remember a time when we were co-leading a conference and roomed together. One morning, I saw him kneeling over in the corner of the room with his hands together, devoutly wrapped in his morning prayers. He didn't know that I was awake and I never mentioned what I saw, but I have never forgotten the sense of fervent prayer that I felt in him then. My prayer is that Shaun will continue to grow into the One he served so faithfully and that his prayer is alive for us. (Tilden Edwards, Shalem Founder and Senior Fellow)
Shaun was very special to me during my residencies and at various events where we connected over the years. I have two special memories. One was a teaching he gave on the Holy Trinity using three large teardrop-shaped candles of shades of blue. It was so inspiring and informative. The other: he offered Mass early every morning and welcomed me and other non-Roman Catholics openly. We had some nice conversations now and then. His approach to spiritual direction has always stayed with me. God rest his soul. (Joann Nesser, SGP84)
My first experience with Shaun was when I was living and working at Dayspring Retreat Center in the early 80's. Shaun led a retreat centered around a desert plant he called the resurrection plant. He placed one of these plants on a table in the lodge, and throughout the weekend, we retreatants watered it as led. Originally it looked dry, stiff and brown-but with water (and prayer), by Sunday it was green and pliable. I later completed the program and saw Shaun off and on-but the deep experience of this retreat and Shaun's inspired retreat leadership has stayed with me for over 20 years. (Sarah Fershee, SGP90L)
I still use one of his prayers and one of his cartoons! (Joan Yoder Miller, SGP85X)
A Partner with Grace
by Gigi Ross
When I was eight years old, my favorite amusement park ride was the roller coaster. I would laugh nonstop as the cars plunged down the steep slope; I could fall with them again and again. By the time I was eighteen, that same descent made my heart and stomach stay at the top of the slope, not catching up with the rest of me until the cars reached the bottom.
At the end of August 2006, after six years on the Shalem office staff, I decided to leave and hitched a ride on a different kind of roller coaster. Part of my intent was to see if I could live the wisdom of Matthew 6:24-37, trusting that if I directed my orientation toward God, God would take care of the rest. I took for my motto a saying attributed to Lao Tzu, "A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving." My one task: to do whatever I was given that resonated with me, whether or not it provided income. This was my way of discerning where I was being led. The journey was as thrilling and as fearful as those contrasting roller coaster rides of my youth. And this past spring I was feeling both at the same time.
There is a phrase, "Pray as if everything depended on God, and act as if everything depended on you," sometimes attributed to Ignatius of Loyola. Some scholars say he wrote the opposite: "Pray as if everything depended on you, and act as if everything depended on God." Yet, neither version matched my experience during this time of learning to live in trust, and that was a major lesson for me.
Maybe it wasn't just my adventure. Maybe it was God's, also. Instead of separate spheres for prayer and action in which I'm responsible for one and God for the other, I experienced a mutuality in our relationship, something like what Jesus experiences as missing in Mark 6:1-6 when he goes back to his home town and can't do any miracles there because of the townspeople's lack of trust.
By last May, I had to discern whether to move from my apartment because I could no longer afford the rent. On April 26, I learned that a decision about a job that I felt called to wouldn't be made until the end of June. With that news went my hope that I would have the income to pay for my living expenses, including the rent. My question to God was, "Now what?"
Then a story that Parker Palmer tells about a wood-carver came to me. A prince commissions a woodcarver to make a bell stand. The woodcarver can't refuse the prince without being executed. Also, the woodcarver knows that if the prince doesn't like the finished product, he will be beheaded. So facing this life-and-death situation, he fasts until he forgets himself, the prince, everything, until he is empty enough for the bell stand to be made through him.
I found myself asking what fasting and praying would be for me. I decided it didn't mean not eating because my impulse to not eat came from fear of not having enough money in the future. In my experience my fears tend to show me where I lack trust. So I kept to my original plans, taking on the tasks that I'd been given to do instead of giving myself over to worrying, planning, or strategizing about survival. I bought a meatball sub for lunch, did some work, then took some time to simply do nothing. I sat in my rocking chair and looked at the trees outside, letting my mind empty, letting the thoughts come and go without judging them.
After sitting, and even before I took time for prayer afterward, I knew I had the clarity I needed to move forward. I needed to wait until I had to make a decision and trust that, when the time came, I would know what to do. After prayer I went to get the mail. I received two checks that I had been expecting but hadn't known when they would come. With those checks I had enough for the June rent and I wouldn't have to face this decision again for another month. The next day I got a call about some temporary work that felt right to accept.
God had taken care of June and had moved on to July. God and I were partners in this adventure. My spiritual director called it cooperating with grace, my job being to trust and to be like the crane in the Taoist story. When it's hungry, it doesn't go diving into the waters looking for fish. It just stands where it is, open, aware, alert, in the present moment. When a fish swims by, it nabs it. If it's still hungry, it continues in open awareness, alertness, and being present, then grabs the next fish that swims by. No anxiety, for it knows the waters of life will give it what it needs. When it's not hungry, it remains in that open awareness and alertness that is contemplative awareness.
While such awareness is a gift, I believe that at my truest and most authentic I am always in the contemplative present. And that seems to be part of the mutuality. My true self always cooperating with grace, living with the faith that allows Christ to do miracles, and God's love always manifesting through my true self in often hidden ways and forever supplying my needs. When I remember this partnership I am following Matthew 6:33 and seeking God's Kingdom above all else.
Shalem Society October Gathering: More than Images
by Tony Sayer
Sixty-nine participants joined Shalem staff members at the second annual gathering of Shalem's Society for Contemplative Leadership in October and were revived, inspired and renewed. The two major addresses offered there - Tilden Edwards' "Inspirited Pioneers: Probing the Frontiers of Contemplative Awareness" and Carole Crumley's "The Power of Shared Intent: An Opening for God in the World" - can be read on Shalem's web site.
At the rededication service, each person received a prayer scarf as a sign of mutual belonging and common intent and was asked to offer a first prayer for the Society, which has grown to nearly 200 members. This year we also borrowed large posters of various iconic representations to surround our meeting room and invited participants to bring their own icons, so that we could have a sense of the larger community of contemplative ancestors who inspire us with their witness. We asked Society member Tony Sayer to reflect on the time together and below is his response to the "cloud of witnesses" that surrounded the October gathering.
More than Images
...a desert-like spaciousness... (Gerald May)
A spacious room. A high ceiling. A world.
Candles flickering. Souls kindled.
Around the walls paintings, posters, icons.
Images.
But more than images. Presences.
Merton and Bonhoeffer are drinking beer.
Their bottles clink together as they confer.
Saint Francis and the Sultan play chess.
The Sultan always wins - Francis seems not to get the game.
Fiercely he protects his pawns, but gives his bishops up with glee.
Mother Seton, Sojourner Truth, and Hildegard of Bingen
are making a quilt. Hildegard wants to add
more and more green to the pattern.
Harriet Tubman and Rosa Parks and Ignatius of Loyola
tread the turns of a labyrinth together.
Inigo's limp slows him down, and
the others keep to his pace.
Elijah and Julian share a barley cake. The raven on his shoulder
and the cat on her lap eye each other with suspicion.
Gandhi and John of the Cross and Martin Luther King are
swapping jailhouse memories. They want Bonhoeffer
to join them, but Merton keeps opening
another cool one.
Rumi and Meister Eckhart have been writing song lyrics.
Teresa of Avila rounds up John Woolman and Black Elk
and Frederick Ozanam and Simone Weil
to start a garage band.
Dorothy Day and Clare of Assisi want to sign up.
They want Howard Thurman to come too.
But he's learning Tibetan chant,
his deep-throated voice
growing ever more
resonant.
Etty Hillesum looks upward, murmuring contentedly,
"So many stars."
William Blake is teaching an art class, but his students
aren't paying attention. Chuang Tzu and Albert Einstein
have gotten paint all over themselves.
"Angels," says Blake impatiently. "Ranks of angels
surround us."
He waves his hand in the air. He points at us.
For we too are here. Among these
witnesses, servants, pilgrims, martyrs,
in this patchwork communion of saints-we are here.
Holy One, by what fiery grace have we
come to join this company?
We praise you for the gift of guides and companions.
May we be such to each other.
Show us our walking stick and our narrow way.
Turn us to stillness and to hastening.
Turn us to doing the little righteousness
that is ours to do.
Give us strength to love.
Teach our hearts to break and break.
Shalem Society October Gathering: More than Images
It is in the eyes that you can see the Spirit at work. Dr. Carl Jung observed as he watched a young patient enter into recovery, "You see, Alcohol in Latin is "spiritus" and you use the same word for the highest religious experience as well as for the most depraving poison. The helpful formula therefore is: spiritus contra spiritum." Despite the best therapy and human help in the world, it is the Holy Spirit working in an addict's life that draws her to sobriety and recovery. Carl Jung saw the most effective way to recovery was by allowing a Power Greater than us to draw an addict away from her addiction.
The eyes of a recovering addict brighten as they recover. In my work with the spiritual needs of addicts, and in the mirror as I watched the transformation in my own life of recovery, the Spirit shines clearly in the eyes as the windows to the soul. Some recovering addicts rest in the simple faith that they are not God, and there is another Power, more powerful than their addiction, that is keeping them clean and sober. Others in recovery develop an incredible thirst or desire for God. Spiritual direction and developing contemplative prayer practices are very appropriate ways to quench that thirst.
Recovering addicts start from a different spiritual grounding. They know the reality of their spiritual experience. They know the miracle, have felt it and watched it; they are clean and sober. Instead of "God exists so therefore this miracle must be true," it is the reverse. "This miracle, my recovery, is true so therefore God must exist." There is a certainty to the existence of a Higher Power because they are the miracle, but they want to know the Miracle Worker. Instead of a belief in a healing based on a faith in God, they are faced with the reality of their own healing and want to deepen the 'Conscious contact' with that which lies behind and beyond their personal miracle.
There are times when the eyes of an addict grow dim again. When the power of their addiction pulls them back into that darkness, their soul becomes almost extinguished. The Light of God's love continues to flicker in that darkness and can burn bright again at any moment. But while the addict remains in active addiction that is their god. Addiction is a jealous god and allows no other to enter. But I am convinced that once an addict has a spiritual experience, the power of their addiction is weakened. The Flame of God's love burns stronger because the addict has tasted recovery and seen its Glory.
To hold a space to allow God to work in an addict's life, to be a spiritual companion to someone walking the path of recovery, is to be a witness to a miracle. In the simplicity of silence, you are watching the Holy Spirit at work in yourself as well as in your recovering companions. In their eyes you watch the storms of sobriety but also see, with increasing clarity, the peace and serenity that only God can bring to an addict's soul.
Out of respect for the traditions of AA, this reflection is offered anonymously by a graduate of Shalem's Personal Spiritual Deepening Program.
Through a Mirror Dimly
by Maureen Watson
In 1895, Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen was surprised by what he saw. A screen on the opposite side of his lab began to glow. When he held something up between his experiment and the screen, he saw all the bones in his hand projected on the wall. Seven weeks later, Roentgen introduced the world to X-rays.
As a scientist, Roentgen was comfortable seeing something he didn't expect. Are we? How can we keep learning to see?
I am a radiologist, a physician specializing in medical imaging, so Roentgen's discovery matters to me. While my radiology sight is now second nature, I can remember when it wasn't. During my medical residency, I learned to see in a new way.
Like a baby, I first had to learn what was supposed to be there. The instinct for "normal" develops through repetition. We develop a backdrop of what we expect to see and this foundation is essential. To train our sight further, we next learn to see what is present but shouldn't be. For the infant this may be a stranger, for the radiology resident, a lung nodule. Later still we learn to see absences. A specific stage of cognitive development must be reached before a child remembers a hidden toy. A resident must also advance before he can see a dissolving rib edge or the loss of internal architecture in a bone.
Radiologists also develop new sight by stretching it. In one office, we had very old equipment. The greatest limitation was the lack of a monitor. Instead, a four-inch mirror on top of the X-ray tower was my "sight." The real-time image was small, blurry, and green, and the angle had to be adjusted often to see. The final films were good, but they weren't available until the exam was over. I learned to follow the shadows in my dim mirror, trusting that later I'd have enough clarity to make the diagnosis, which is my own image of "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known." (1 Co 13:12)
Just as I learned to see the body through a new lens in my medical training, what if I gave the same attention to my soul? Through new eyes, I began to read scripture differently. My prayers changed. I found a spiritual director. Much of my new sight came from looking expectantly. When I expect that God is active, present, and good, my life looks different.
I am a spiritual director now. As I listen to others, I see many similar truths. Others also strive to see their lives through a new lens or from a different angle. They strain to see through a mirror dimly, looking for signs of God. And while they bring their natural gifts to the process, they are also aided by walking with another.
Unlike a medical residency director, a spiritual director doesn't teach someone what to see. But she helps others develop their spiritual sight. We remember together that we can limit what God shows us if we're only willing to see what we expect. Faith may mean picking up a new lens or looking from a different angle until we see the face of God taking shape.
As a radiologist, I learned to rely on my own instincts and experience, and many people live their whole lives that way. But in the life of faith, we can have more. The accompaniment of the Spirit is continuous, wise, and eternally given as a gift of God's grace.
How can we, as people yearning to open ourselves to God, increase the range of our spiritual sight? The first step is to believe that there is more going on than we see.
What are you missing? Where might you see the shadow of God if you took the time and devoted the attention to training your eyes to expect to see him?
As I struggle to see my own bit of the world through a mirror dimly, I remember that there will be a time for clarity. I want to see those crisp, clear images that will help me understand. Still, I do what I can now, realizing that my sight is cloudy. For now, I navigate through a dim, green mirror in a shadowy room. So I listen for the Spirit to guide me. And I learn to trust as I go forward. I pray that God will open my eyes and the eyes of those with whom I share the journey as we wait and struggle to see-in a mirror dimly.
Maureen is a member of Shalem's Spiritual Guidance Program, Class of Winter 2007.